Sunday, November 29, 2009

There Are Moments in Life.

There are moments in life that make you, and
moments in life that break you. There are moments in life
that influence you, and moments in life that change you.
There are mments in life that challenge you and
there are moments in life that crush you and there are
moments in life that destroy you. There are moments
in life of total peace, and there are moments in
life of total chaos. Nothing is permanent, everything
is temporary.


Friday, November 27, 2009

My Dear Edgar Allan Poe.

My dear Edgar Allan Poe.
Why is it that everytime I do attempt to read any of your work my head explodes with pain?
Why is it so?
Mhmm... maybe I should buy some Advil the next time I try to finish The Pit and the Pendulum.


Thursday, November 26, 2009

Expect It Now.

What can i say? There's alot of emotions swiriling in my head.
It just makes me depressed just even trying to sort it out.
Happy, sad, frustrated, annoyed, and anger.
I'm tired of getting dirty looks from Brenden and Manny (but then again I do expect it from Manny, it is his nature to do so). Their prominent gaze sends me into complete panic mode.
Twitching, itching, just wanting to scream "WHAT DID I DO WRONG?!?!"
Brenden's glare came about when I started dating his friend over a year ago.
It made me feel like I didn't deserve to be there and that I would never fit in.
Now... even after my ex and I broke up, I still recieve them.
A worthless pathetic spec of dirt.
That's how I see myself in their eyes.
Why is it so?
How the hell am I going to make it through without losing it. Confrontation?
If only I had the "balls" to do so.

Girls, girls, and more girls; was my sister's reply to a desperate question of mine.
It wasn't the answer I was looking for.
It didn't seem to be the truth.
He wants to drop the harlot rep and told me so, but I still needed to be reassured. I asked my sister if there was still others.
All was said... "He has girls.".
Wow... I feel special, yet it sadly doesn't surprise me.
I just wish it wasn't so.

My random blogging of random stuff should be expected of me... well only from those who know me personally, but to others who don't:
Expect It Now.

So long and farewell?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

"Ur Blog Lacks Sexy Pics" - Wow Thanks Brayden...

ur blog lacks sexy pics

Fine, here are your kinky pictures, prepared just for you Brayden. Jeeze. XD




Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Damn Toilet is Trying to Flush Me Down

I just want to put it out there that McDonald's is extremely addicting and that I hate auto-flushing toilets with a passion. Yes, a passion.

Yes I'm talking about those auto-flushing toilets they implanted at the mall and on the ferrys, so they can "help" us with our time to flush. But you know what? WE DON'T NEED or technically... I DON'T NEED IT! It doesn't help for the fact that I'm smaller than the average person so I already got to make sure that I don't fall in but it doesn't help at all when THE DAMN TOILET IS TRYING TO FLUSH ME DOWN ALL TOGETHER WHEN I'M NOT EVEN DONE YET!



Well that was fun.

So long and farewell?

Friday, November 20, 2009

Fossilized Butt Imprint in the Mud.

Wow, what can I say? Last night was frekin fantastic!

Well I'm going to start with what happened earylier, after school. I finally met up with that guy that was selling that longboard - I was kinda afriad that he wouldn't show up because of the rain. The board looked pretty scruffy but it was it great condiction and it was a complete set! *Yay!* That board costs atleast around $300 and I only got it for $30!

Wow... I'm so lucky that I replied to my friend's status on Facebook. Acouple of my friends are grumpy that I got it first but I do know that guy was still trying to sell his bong off. I might have gotten it aswell if only I had extra money to spare.

Later in the early evening, my dad and I were invited to this equisite event at the Grand Pacific and wasn't even open to the public! We had our own little name tags... okay I'm used to having my name spelt with extra baggage aka the "h" at the end... but they also seemed to spell my last name wrong aswell. Silly people; we had a good laugh about it.

Sarah Akitson.

I suppose it does have a nice ring to it. A-KIT-SON. Haha.

Anyways there was an open bar (I was probably the only person there drinking a Pepsi), fresh oyster bar, endless supply of sushi and smoked fish... And then there was the refined chocolate fountain.
Surrounded by fruits and sweets, it stood up high for everyone to see and admire. =D

I left alittle bit earlier because I've already made plans to go iceskating with my "friend", Simon, later that evening.
Hilarious though... I was half an hour early... Opps.
I thought it was at 6... looking back at my texts... we were suppose to meet at 6.30> Haha. I then spent the remainder of my spare time walking around the mall. The mall was quiet and hardly anyone else around, it made the environment quite relaxing. =] Meet up with Simon (yes at the proper time) and headed to the arena.

Skating was sooooooooooo fun!!! =D I missed it so much! *Sighs* It's been ages since I last went so it was a special treat last night. We had such a lovely time that I didn't want it to stop. We tried taking pictures of us together, but it didn't really work out so we asked someone else to help take it instead. The picture turned out very nicely. I also took acouple pictures on my cell. =] ->

Photobucket Photobucket

It will deffiently be one of my favourite memories. =]

Now the ridiculous thing was when we were heading back to his place... we walked across our school's field of which turned into a lake (it's been raining like crazy earlier) and my shoe happened to get itself stuck. While trying to free myself, I got my foot free from my shoe but happened to slip and fall backwards, thus landing on my butt in a huge ass puddle. My shoe... was stuck in the mud and my socks were drenched. I just sat there in shock.
I have to admit... these series of unfortunate events were pretty funny.
Simon helped me up and asked if I was okay. He also helped get my shoe back from the evil mud monster...
We left the flooded field & my fossilized butt imprint in the mud, and walked back to the bus stop.

I had a great time iceskating with Simon, even when I fell into the mud afterwards. Haha.
I hope we can do it again... minus the mud though. =D

Going to Seattle tomorrow!!! =D

So long and farwell?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Yes it Has a Name.

I don't know how to let these emotions out.
They are interwined together. I don't know what to do.
*Sighs* Sometimes I wish I wasn't an emotional person... it's starting to become too much to bear.

Anyways, on the good side of things, I'm going to buy a longboard from this person for only $30!!! Such a good deal!!! Well, only if it is in good condiction... Hopefully it is. =D

It's a Landyatchz DH Race. ->


And, this is my baby, Peanuts (yes it has a name.) Haha. ->

So long and farewell?

Monday, November 16, 2009

It Reminds Me of Dayton.

I guess things are going well lately, acouple hiccups here and there but it won't kill me just yet. Haha. School... meh it's school, so I'm failing Planning (again) *Sighs*. I'm tempted to drop it (again) and to finish it next year. I am suppose to be gradding this year but due to the consequences of life these past years... Im' behind in credits and will need to take another semester to finally grad.

In a way I understand that Planning is essential to grad but honestly (no offense Mz.Z, but I prefer you as a Socials teacher instead) the teaching of it is giving me a headache. I know she means well and that she does try really hard to get us more involved... but it doesn't seem to be working well... especially when I, myself thinks that this is a load of bullshit. It doesn't help for my case that Mz.Z doesnt like me and isn't exactly "impressed" with my working habits, of which I have none because I don't do any work.
It is my fault for my failures in school and for letting things in lfe pull me down.
I am, I suppose, lazy and unmotivated. I don't know how it started, I wasn't like this when I was younger? My head hurts from just trying to figure it out.

That reminds me... even if it doesn't relate to anything I was typing beforehand... but I still need to remember to talk to Darryel... Mhmm... potential sabotage heading towards his direction? Maybe. Haha. Probably will give that paranoid freak a heart attack. God, I need to get some chronic... for my good old' Sara relaxing time. =]

I really wished that the weekend didn't have to end. I wanted to spend another night at his place. Makes me feel safe. =]

Woah... this morning was... well, alot of stuff was going on. *Sighs*. I'm quite concerned for my friends.
One just had a breakdown, another might possibly have phenomena and then there's something wrong with my sister. It's so hard cause there's something wrong going on and I can't do anything about it! She won't even tell me. I feel so hopeless.
I do hope she does eventually talk to someone about it... it sounds too big of a deal for her to handle by herself. We're best friends, sisters for life...
What would it possibly be that she refuses to tell me? I'm worried for her. =[

Almost cried while watching the news the other night... a woman and a ten year old boy died in a car crash in Vernon earlier this week. They were struck by a oncoming truck.
It reminds me of Dayton. =[

So long and farewell?

Whoever That May Be.

He could have the whole world in his palm, he could.
Something is holding him back from his prize,a wholesome life.
He won't say. Possibly or maybe, he just won't crack.
He is longing for someone to fill the emptiness
And yet he doesn't know how to show himself, the whole picture
To that one person; whoever that may be.
The past is what holds us back.
Hopefully one day soon, he will let go.
Whoever that may be.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

It Made Me Smile.


Simon and I came across this while walking to the bus stop, it made me smile. = ]

Why The Russian Chick Had to Die.

I think that I am slightly addicted to this site.
Then again... I shouldn't be surprised. This usually happens to me with websites except for Twitter?
I would go on about once every 2 or 3 weeks and tweet the shit out of my account then leaving leave it to the next time I want to rant about life or certain people. Haha.

Went to see 2012 with my friend and his friend last night. Was pretty good... just wished there was more available seats...
I had to sit on my poor friend's lap; I probably would have concentrated more on the movie if I wasn't so worried about cutting the circulation off in his leg. My neck and back are sore... but it was worth it. Pretty decent seat and great company, sadly though my friend's friend had to sit somehwere else... the movie theatre was packed and it was impossible to find three free seats together. It was pissing me off especially when there were dinky fourteen year olds saving 3 to 4 seats at a time. Oh well. I like sitting on Simon's lap. Haha. =D
I don't know why the Russian chick had to die... maybe it was from the backlash of the giraffe's kiss of life?

Having a "curry" night at my dad's friend's place tonight. It's going to be really good!
Just thinking about it is making me very hungry.... yummy... ARGH! I CAN SMELL THE FOOD IN THE KITCHEN FROM MY ROOM!!! XD
This is pure torture!

So long and farewell?

PS. Brayden, every week I'll add a random kinky picture to my blog... just for you okay. =P
Maybe you should just make your own account and follow me? It will be alot easier for you instead of asking me for the link... which is never the correct one Haha.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Does This Count?


One of my favourite magazine covers. EMILIE AUTUMN!!! <3 <3 <3
Does this count as kinky, Brayden? Haha.

The Orange Juice Was Spiked.

I forgot to talk about that hockey game I went to the other night. I believe it was the um... EsquiamaltCougars vs. WestCoastWhat'sTheirNameTeam. Also saw Niko there with his friend "Eddie" (I forgot his name, so I made him a new one), and then chilled with them for abit. We got to throw frisbees into the rink, during the first intermission, trying to get it to the center of the rink to win a prize. Mine got nowhere near the center and yet I still won something? During the second intermission, Niko, "Eddie", and I went to Serious Coffee. Coming back into the arena my dad randomly called me saying I won a prize and that I had to go to the office to collect it. I went to the office, gave my name, and recieved a $10 gift certificate to Dominoes Pizza! *Yay!* =D Sadly the Cougars were not getting there act together and tied with the WCW'sTNT. Slightly disapointing but what ever, it was still fun. =D The gift certificate will probably be enough for garlic bread? Haha.

My friend Mel's birthday party was last night. Her actual birthday was on Tuesday and the party was suppose to happen then but due to the fact that the majority of people had other plans that it was moved to Friday.
It was frekin awesome! Beer, cats and Turkish vodka oh my! Haha. Got pretty drunk... Turkish vodka... mhmm... who knew that it would taste like liquorice? And that I, Sara, would actually drink it? O_O It actualy is pretty decent especially when mixed with Coke. Mhmm... what else happened?

Somebody spiked the orange juice. Apparently it was me. And apparently you have to be drunk to spike the orange juice. Why? Well actually I don't know... I can't seem to remember who told me that.... dizzy much?
Wait a second!... I do remember that people were taking shots and I filled their cups with orange juice....
...I REMEBER NOW! God, I am such a silly billy.

Left Mel's place and head to my "friend's" place. I am pretty god damn sure that I was talking to myself in a third person while walking over there. OH AND MOUSE WAS THERE! =D
Last night was fun.

Also... who knew that the ESL womanizer in my Planning worked at McDonalds? And that he took my order? Totaly unexpected, but it was nice. Had a quick converstation with him and left with my breakfast.
He is one of the few who actually make really good McDonald's coffee. =]

My thoughts in general at the moment... are confused. *Sighs* Why did I mentioned that I had a blog to him? Haha. Oh well...

I wish it will start snowing soon.

So long and farewell?

Friday, November 13, 2009

Just Plain Kinky.

Today so far has been pretty good; got a medium coffee at the Bagel Factory, realised that my dad didn't waste any meat today by giving me a nutella sandwich instead, borrowed a newspaper from the school (without destroying it - for once...) and finally wasting my Bio 11 time by going on to Facebook and Blogger.

It's been a good day, hopefully it will stay like this throughout the weekend. I have a good feeling that it will.


I really like this photo... very dark, extremely alluring, and just plain kinky.
I don't blame any people that are reading this and thinking that I am some type of freak for liking this picture, I totally understand, it's messed up.

So long and farwell?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Atleast 3 Minutes.

Mhmm... I don't feel like a dumbass at all...
Was just reading my last entry when I noticed acouple spelling mistakes and some extra words that I had forgotten to take out when I rewrite a sentace. *Sighs*
Who honestly spells Blog as Bog? I should try to notice these things first before publishing a entry.

I got my good friend to check this blog thingy of mine and to give me his honest opinion. He likes it and encourages me to keep on blogging; which is making me more self-cofident about the burntoutlighter. =D
Mhmmm... I don't know what to type now...

Oh and I almost forgot; I have a DeviantArt account, so if any of you (anyone?) would like to check it out, please do. =D
Anyways... doubt if the link would work... hopefully it does but I'm not counting on it. *Sighs*.

It's crazy to think that we "officially" met almost a week ago and now I can't seem to get you out of my head.
Originaly I was preparing myself for FwB situation and not allowing myself to get emotionally involved... but even so... it seemed like my plan has backfired. I won't allow my feelings to get in the way of our friendship though.
You have been through alot and I don't want these emotions to get in the way of your plans, but if... amazingly enough you do share the same feelings... Shit... I really haven't thought that far ahead... but please remember that I will be there for you, always.

Kinda lost my train of thought for a second or two... okay maybe atleast 3 mintues. *Sighs* Oh well.
Will be going to watch hockey (?) tonight with my dad and then be cleaning dishes when I get back home. HOW MANY CUPS DO WE HAVE IN OUR FREKIN HOUSE?!?! For Pete's sake! It's driving me insane!

So long and farewell?

Lost for Words.

I honestly don't know how to feel about this. I am lost for words which makes me feel like a dimwit.
I wish I could express my thoughts more to the people I care about but I just can't even explain it to them. It's too hard. I have been getting better though when it comes to personal relationships and explaining my emotions, but before that this is what usually happens ex. Callum (I don't have any quicknics for him) and I. I couldn't explain to him that the way he was treating me was tearing me inside, especially when I was living at my friend's palce while my dad was away for acouple months. I didn't know how to ask him for support I needed to make it through alright. That is probably why our relationship ended and now we hardly have anything to say to each other except for ex.
"Hey, what's up?", "Nothing much, you?", "Nothing.", "Well goodbye.", "Bye".

Honestly, this is how it's like between us now; it is depressing.
It makes me sad thinking about my past relationships and realizing that it could never truly go back to the "golden days" of which we were so madly in "love" and being happy together. Now we just push the memories to the sideline as if they were never meant anything.
Even if I don't have the same feelings towards my exboyfriends that I did back then (thank god), I still tresure all the happy moments we had in our prime time even if I think that "so and so" was a dick to me at the end. There was reasons why I liked him (refering to all my exboyfriends) in the first place and we had some good times together. I tresure them all even if they don't; I still care about it. Maybe one day I will type up my favourite times with my exboyfriends and what their good traits are. I will try my best not to bitch about them too much. Haha.

Would have been, could have been?
That is the question... Or no? Maybe I just felt like radomly saying that. My mind confuses me alot these days.

To my "friend"; I want to get to know you better. You have been telling me bit by bit, but not the whole story. I hope that one day you will tell me the reason why. You know which reason I am talking about (I doubt that you would ever even go on to this blog of mine), I just want you to know that I will be there for you. I will.
Is it stalkerish to read all the bog entries of a friend? Well I hope not or I am going to feel like a total creeper for a couple weeks...
I've been reading your past blog entries, trying to find clues, but only getting the outlines... God, I am being impatient about this. *Sighs*
Why can't I be upfront with the questions I want to ask?

Luckly I've stopped being so nervous when ever I do hang out with my new "friend". I guess I was just afriad that he would change his mind and tell me to bug off. Apperently he nervous aswell...
Going to be seeing him this weekend so I am pretty stoked for that! =D Should I bring my XL Charles Darwin Wanted shirt for pj's?
Mhmm... That is the question. Seriously it is.

So long and farwell?

PS; I just want to point out that the "so-called" smooth ESL guy in my Planning class is a womanizer and that no girl is safe unless she is willing to kick him in the balls if he tries anything.
Yes, these violent thoughts has crossed my mind.
Beware womanizers!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Disbelief or Comments.

As some of you have been wondering... (if there is any of you at all that bothers to read this?) you can obviously see that I am a "dark" or what other people would say an "alternative" person and you know what? I wouldn't disagree with you.
This blog, the burntoutlighter, is the only way I can truly say what I want without worrying what other people think. I would love to believe that I have the balls (figure of speech) to be upfront about my thoughts, reasons, and personal life to the people that "know" me, but I don't.
In a way... this helps because if I can't really talk to anyone about this in the first place and just keeping it inside will eventually be tear me apart (which is deffiently not a good thing!).

My little mini profile on my page says I am a emotional and potentially violent person; it is true, but luckly not all the time. But then again why would I put it there in the first place? Well like I was trying to say before, I want to show my true self here than be bombarded with disbelief or comments from my friends and "family". *Sighs* I'm starting to run out of things to say.

Also I'm not going to be revealing any names except for quicnics in my blogs (ex. Mouse; I seriously forgotten her name though... seriously!), so yeah... if it confuses you... let it be because making me explain everything will just become a huge headache which shouldn't be desired.

So long and farewell?

Lessons By Touch.

Mhmm... Well that was unexpected.
Maybe I should see the world in colors than just simply black & white. Spending time with my "friend" last night has taught me things that I wasn't expecting to learn for atleast three years or so. It also relieves me of the usual nervousness I get when I do meet up with him. It is normal to get nervous especially when you are socializing with new people especially ones of whom you would plan to be aquainted with, but never the less I am the cricket and he is the master.
Where the hell did that come from?

Also I am quite excited for my "lover" to be visiting me around Spring time... or maybe sooner as he said, but the date is still unknown. It's suppose to be a surprise I guess, but yet I am ready to believe that he is going to surprise me for my birthday? Big question mark there. I still need to organize my life and hopefully my plans will not get in the way of my lover's visit. If things do get in the way... AKA BOYFRIEND (?) - (who ever that may be?) - (new "friend"?) - I should try to make sure I don't do anythign stupid like cheating. I strongly believe that cheating is the worst thing (besides lying and being deceitful) in a relationship; hopefully I can remain true to who ever I am with (?) and to myself.
Either way... I'm looking forward to his visit.

Jingle Bell Rock Fest is coming up pretty soon. Gotta make plans with friends for a possible after party? Should talk to Fish about that. Oh and I almost forgot, I really need to make $200 beforehand; there's this awesome corset at Aces'&Spades that I wanted to wear for the show and IT ACTUALLY FITS ME PERFECTLY! And it looks fantastic one me. Yay for corset vainty!

Its amazing how just by touch you could learn more about a person than you could ever expected.
I guess all I can say now is that I am looking forward to our next meeting, my friend.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Nothing more and Nothing less.

Honestly I don't know where to begin or even how to continue these thoughts of mine by blogging but I am willing to give it a try.

Name's Sara, nothing more and nothing less.

Depressing eh? Well I guess I could say the weather has been cloudy, rainy, and windy which personally I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't for the fact that I can't longboard when it's wet outside. This has turned me into one hell of an evil bitch, but alas I will eventually get over it.

I've been needing to get new art supplies lately, but haven't seemed to be proactive enough to get a job. Yes I had my fair share of handing out resumes, but it's always either a week or a day late. I guess it also doesn't help that I'm sincerely lazy. I will possibly prompt myself into selling more cd's, of which have collected dust over these many years... stacked on my desk. Probably make atleast $10 there which would probably get me 3 pens and a sticker.

I guess it is time to make it official that my recent muse is no longer a muse but just a friend of whom I've been avoiding lately. Sadly I don't have the balls to be open to him even though I did tell him atleast twice that I wasn't interested in a "relationship" at the moment, he still wouldn't click in... he wanted me to become his... "girlfriend". Eeek, the thought of that makes me tremble with twitches. Luckly my sister and I (mainly I), have decided to set my late muse up with Mouse (whom's name I had sadly forgotten... or just didn't know how to spell it). Late muse with Mouse? Mhmm... it's quite a potenial blessing to me and to their upcoming happieness of which the awareness hasn't clicked in with them yet..

Also... I will be going over to my "new" friend's place to watch some movies later today... Hehehe... Forgive me father but I am about to sin. Oh my. Maybe I'm getting way to ahead of myself.

I guess drinking strong coffee this morning was't exactly the greatest idea especially with the caffeine drilling into my brain.

Memo To Self: Drink less coffee and fuck more. Sorry I didn't truly mean that.

Memo To Self: I did actually mean that but I should'nt be so blunt about it.

Memo To Self (Again): Forget what i said before -> drink more coffee and get laid PERIOD!

I think I should end this now before I type more embaressing things that might potentially give me a headache later.

So long and farwell?