Thursday, November 12, 2009

Lost for Words.

I honestly don't know how to feel about this. I am lost for words which makes me feel like a dimwit.
I wish I could express my thoughts more to the people I care about but I just can't even explain it to them. It's too hard. I have been getting better though when it comes to personal relationships and explaining my emotions, but before that this is what usually happens ex. Callum (I don't have any quicknics for him) and I. I couldn't explain to him that the way he was treating me was tearing me inside, especially when I was living at my friend's palce while my dad was away for acouple months. I didn't know how to ask him for support I needed to make it through alright. That is probably why our relationship ended and now we hardly have anything to say to each other except for ex.
"Hey, what's up?", "Nothing much, you?", "Nothing.", "Well goodbye.", "Bye".

Honestly, this is how it's like between us now; it is depressing.
It makes me sad thinking about my past relationships and realizing that it could never truly go back to the "golden days" of which we were so madly in "love" and being happy together. Now we just push the memories to the sideline as if they were never meant anything.
Even if I don't have the same feelings towards my exboyfriends that I did back then (thank god), I still tresure all the happy moments we had in our prime time even if I think that "so and so" was a dick to me at the end. There was reasons why I liked him (refering to all my exboyfriends) in the first place and we had some good times together. I tresure them all even if they don't; I still care about it. Maybe one day I will type up my favourite times with my exboyfriends and what their good traits are. I will try my best not to bitch about them too much. Haha.

Would have been, could have been?
That is the question... Or no? Maybe I just felt like radomly saying that. My mind confuses me alot these days.

To my "friend"; I want to get to know you better. You have been telling me bit by bit, but not the whole story. I hope that one day you will tell me the reason why. You know which reason I am talking about (I doubt that you would ever even go on to this blog of mine), I just want you to know that I will be there for you. I will.
Is it stalkerish to read all the bog entries of a friend? Well I hope not or I am going to feel like a total creeper for a couple weeks...
I've been reading your past blog entries, trying to find clues, but only getting the outlines... God, I am being impatient about this. *Sighs*
Why can't I be upfront with the questions I want to ask?

Luckly I've stopped being so nervous when ever I do hang out with my new "friend". I guess I was just afriad that he would change his mind and tell me to bug off. Apperently he nervous aswell...
Going to be seeing him this weekend so I am pretty stoked for that! =D Should I bring my XL Charles Darwin Wanted shirt for pj's?
Mhmm... That is the question. Seriously it is.

So long and farwell?

PS; I just want to point out that the "so-called" smooth ESL guy in my Planning class is a womanizer and that no girl is safe unless she is willing to kick him in the balls if he tries anything.
Yes, these violent thoughts has crossed my mind.
Beware womanizers!

No comments:

Post a Comment