Latertatorsalliggoater!@

AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHH.

Crap. The moneky I was making for that two year old kid... I fucked up on the ears and now they look retardely lopsided.
Oh well, it's not like the two year old is going to notice.

Anyways.... I don't feel like typing much sooo latertatorsalliggoater!@


So long and farewell?

Shitfaced, Fucked.

Life is beautiful even if this still fucking sucks balls.
-Sara Atkinson

Shitfaced, fucked. Alot of shit has happened and I haven't blogged in ages. Fuck me.

I'm currently in pain and probably will be for acouple weeks straight but it will be an adjustment that I will just have to learn to overcome. I have to thank my awesome boyfriend for giving me the best support one would dream of having especially when I am going through a really rough phase in my life. I also would like to thank all the RY Girls for being there for me aswell.

I love you guys, and of corse I love you Brayden. <3

I'm not really in the mood to type everything down that has happened lately and especially about this morning *sighs*. I will hopefully be able to get on either later today or tomorrow.

So long and farewell?

Numb Away All These Feelings.

Ugh, my eye is ichty and swollen.
Fuck me..
In a pissy mood...

Talked to Kate and then to my Dad about this fucked up situation... I got two different responses but then again I think I might go with Kate's.
My Dad says I should be happy for them, and learn how to forgive and to forget.
Over my dead fucking body.
He doesn't know the situtation as Kate does, then again Kate knows everything about it.
Kate says I deserve to be angry and that I should show it (in a respective manner of corse).
She also says that I've been screwed over and that these emotions will not be passing anytime soon so she suggest just getting angry out now might be helpful. Well lets hope.
I'm filled up with so much emotions, especially the ones that haunt me from the past.
It's overwhelming me and I don't know what to do about them.
Facebook also doesn't help one fucking bit.
Hate seeing those fucking posts...
Fuck Facebook. *Sighs*.
Where the hell did I put my Capt.Morgans?

I just want to numb away all these feelings.


So long and farewell?

If It's Worth It Anymore.

I guess I never meant anything thing to you as you said I did, my dear "friend".

I had a "talk" with my "sister" on thursday.
Of corse things like this never really go smoothy as one would hope it would be, but alas no matter what, I still felt quite shitty afterwords.
I suppose having a fight with my umbrella with Arin also walking by and trying to help out didn't really make my nerves any better, probably made them worse.
After waiting till Arin walked away, I started off.
It kind of went like a fast blur to me now as I think about it but it was pretty ackward.
Another thing that didn't help was the fact that I knew she wasn't listening to me, I mean in the sense of her not listening to what I was trying to explain.
It made me more frustrated with her, which in a way, made me to forget some major points I wanted to make with her.
Thus with her not really "listening" to me and replying all defensively.
She claims she played no flawed parts of this whole mess and gave me her distinguished look that clearly says that it was me who's the fucking idiot here.
Well, fuck her.
Anyways, I got more mad at her and started yelling.

What also fucked up me off with my rant was when Arin walked by again and was lurking about. Waiting until he left, I completely forgot where I was in my ranting of which took acouple seconds and the quick thinking wether or not I should just ask her where I left off.
It would've been extremely ackward if I did ask her and luckly I didn't.
I started again, but by then I was so frustrated at her that I told her to go home before she catched a fucking cold. She said nothing.
I left.

It hurts more that I probably fucked it up by another notch, but I don't regret it.
I mean, they have no idea how much pain they are putting me through.
They make me feel like I am the one who's being a nutcase and should be put away in an asylum.
But I don't know how to act in this situation.
It feels like they're the ones holding the gun to my head and not expecting a reaction.
I shouldn't really put it in that way, but honestly I just don't give a shit anymore.
There's just so much shit going on these days, I'm just thinking if it's worth it anymore.

Then I think about one of my favourite quotes...

"If anything, just hold on to life".

So long and farewell?

You Guys Are My Favourite. <3

Well... okay where do I start?
Alot of stuff happened since Friday... and it seems that I might be moving to London, England in July.
Why?
Well my dad is in the military and is trying to get posted there.
He first mentions it on Friday morning and tells me that I have to decide wether or not he should try to apply for it before Monday.
That stressed the hell out of me.
I mean going to England for two years would be fucking awesome and I would get to do so many fucking things. IT WOULD BE AMAZING.
And yet... I would have to leave my "home" and friends behind.
My friends are so fucking important to me that it made me cry hearing about it that Friday morning, luckly I didn't have my make-up on...
I mentioned it to a group of my friends during lunch, but I assumed by none of them saying anything I thought they didn't hear me... I guess I was wrong.
I actually forgotten all about it after lunch but I was reminded of it that day when my dad came home. Alex (my super ninja ex boyfriend) was there with me playing Call of Duty 4, so he heard everything when my dad brought it up...
I'm not good at making discions in general, it made me felt so lost. I wanted to cry my eyes out right then but I held them back... Thank god Alex was there though... (Alex if you reading this, thanks for the support)... I really appreciated it.

My dad wouldn't stop talking about the trips to Paris we could take, the private school I could be going to, and the all year long icerinks I could skate.... I knew he was bribing me... you could see it in his eyes that he really wanted to go.
I told him on Saturday morning that I would be fine with it.
Even though I told him my desciine, it felt like I should've taken me time to think about it but... I dont know... I'm lost... I think I just need a hug.
Also it sucked that I couldn't see my friend Friday night, I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, LIKE REALLY REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. It's been a rough week and I needed some relaxing time with him.
He is dear to my heart.

Luckly I did get a chance to see him when I got icecream today with Jesse. Simon almost made me choke on the mini tasting spoon. Jeeze... I almost died laughing with a spoon in my mouth.
Would have loved to stay longer and chat but I was seeing Jesse who I haven't seen since VEMF, when he totally ditch me for caps and girls that wanted to get down his pants. Jeeze... Haha.
IT'S SO FREKIN COLD OUTSIDE!!! POOR JESSE DIDN'T EVEN HAD SOCKS ON!
FUCK, I hope he doesn't freeze to death walking to the bus stop. I will feel so bad about it.
Earlier we took acouple funny pictures on my webcam -> It was fun.


To Simon, Brayden, Alex, Jesse, and Matt...
YOU GUYS ARE MY FAVOURITE! <3


So long and farewell?

It Makes Me Sad When You're Sad.

Well the past couple days has been fucked, so I was hoping that today would be different...
Well its not as bad as the other days, but this still hurts just as much.
It makes me sad when you're sad. I can tell when your lying especially when you say that you're fine, cause you're not.
I hate it. I feel hopeless in this situation.
I just want to see you smile and see that your eyes are gleaming with happiness...
But until then, please remember that I'm there for you and that you can confide in me.
*Hugs*
I'll be there for you.